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By Ava
- In Divorce Mediation
If you and your spouse have made the difficult decision to get a divorce, you may be wondering about the best way to go about this. Agreeing on a divorce settlement can be a complicated process, made more complicated by factors like complex joint finances, the presence or absence of a prenuptial agreement, and disagreements when it comes to child custody and access.
While court hearings are inevitable in some particularly contentious divorce cases, most divorcing couples are eager to settle things as amicably as possible. Even if you and your spouse no longer get along, it may be worth your while to put your differences aside so you can come to an agreement you can both be happy with.
The Role of Divorce Mediation
Divorce mediation is an option available to couples who wish to avoid court proceedings. In fact, many divorce courts ask couples to give mediation a try before scheduling a hearing in front of a judge. As the name suggests, divorce mediation takes the form of a series of meetings between the divorcing couple and their legal counsel, as well as a professional mediator. The goal is to negotiate agreements on various points relating to the divorce instead of having a judge rule on the divorce settlement.
How Divorce Mediation Works
Once you and your spouse decide to go the mediation route, you need to engage the services of a mediation professional, preferably one who has experience dealing with your kind of divorce. Some mediation professionals specialize in complicated marital finances; others focus on children’s rights or on cases with or without a prenuptial agreement. It is important that you find a mediator you are both comfortable with. Since the mediator is supposed to be a neutral party, it should be someone who has no prior connection with either of you.
Some people believe that mediation negates the need for lawyers, but this is not the case. Many mediators actually require their clients to each have their own lawyers. There are two important reasons for this:
- It is a way to ensure that both parties are being fairly treated in the settlement agreement
- In the event of post-divorce disputes, judges will often overturn settlement agreements that are not accompanied by a certificate of independent legal counsel
The mediation process varies from one mediator to the next, and from one couple to the next. Most mediation meetings involve all parties sitting in a room hashing out the details of the divorce agreement. If this format is not productive, or if the divorcing spouses do not feel comfortable being in the same room together, the mediator might put them in separate rooms and go back and forth between them. Some mediators offer the option of conducting the meetings online via platforms like Zoom, and then bringing the parties together in-person when it’s time to gather signatures.
Negotiating The Divorce Agreement
No two divorce settlements look the same: every couple has their unique set of circumstances that must be taken into consideration. Some of the items that may be included in your mediated agreement include the following:
- Division of assets: This includes bank accounts, investments, real estate, and other assets. Factors determining how assets will be divided include the presence or absence of a prenuptial agreement, how assets were acquired (for example, through inheritance), and whether assets were acquired before or during the marriage.
- The family home: Whether you rent or own your home, you and your spouse have to decide where each of you will live. You will need to agree on whether one of you will maintain the lease or buy out the other person’s share of the home (if applicable), or if both people will move to different places. Other considerations include possible financial compensation for moving expenses and how long each person will have to get their belongings out of the current home.
- Child custody and support: If there are minor children, you and your spouse have to agree on how custody will be shared and whether child support payments will be made. If one parent has sole custody, what will visitation and access rights look like for the other parent? Will both parents have equal access to the child’s school and medical records? Will both have equal decision-making power?
- Alimony: This is a factor in homes where one spouse has been the sole earner while the other has stayed home. It is likely, in a scenario like this, that the earning spouse will have to provide support payments to the non-earning spouse. You can negotiate conditions to this: for example, alimony will cease when your spouse secures employment, or if they get married to a new spouse.
- Pets and joint belongings: You and your spouse need to decide who will get custody of any family pets and whether the other person will have access to the pets. In addition, you will need to figure out what to do with belongings that you accumulated while married, such as furniture and appliances.
Reducing The Stress of Divorce
No matter how amicable your divorce is, there is a certain amount of stress involved. It is not easy to separate from someone who once thought you would spend the rest of your life with. Mediation can make the process easier on you for several reasons:
- A courtroom is an inherently combative environment. The idea of you appearing before a judge “against” your spouse can create a sense of animosity that wasn’t there to begin with. A mediation is a collaborative process where both parties work together.
- Court cases can take a long time to get through. The lawyers take a long time to gather evidence, there are motions and meetings, and the court system itself tends to get backed up. Most mediated divorces can be settled within a few weeks.
- Time is quite literally money. The longer a case takes, the higher the legal fees will be. Because mediation takes a lot less time than a court case, it is less expensive.
- Court hearings are usually open to the public, and the proceedings are a matter of public record. Mediations, on the other hand, allow you to preserve your privacy and still get the results you want.
From Combativeness to Collaboration
At Separate Simply, we know that most divorcing couples don’t want an ugly public fight. They want to come to an agreement on the things that matter so they can each find closure and move on to the next phase of their lives. Founded by people who have been through the gamut of separation and divorce, Separate Simply helps couples work together so they can head into their post-divorce lives feeling that they have been treated fairly. Contact us today for more information.