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By David
- In Divorce Mediation
Divorce is an inherently stressful process. No one gets married thinking it will end, and the process of splitting up can be traumatic for both people. One of the easiest ways to make your divorce as smooth and stress-free as possible is through divorce mediation. This allows you and your spouse to calmly negotiate the terms of your divorce in a way that is legally binding, but that also keeps the proceedings out of the court and out of the public eye.
What Is Divorce Mediation?
Divorce mediation is, quite simply, a negotiation. In a sense, a divorce is a contract between two people that spells out things like property division and child custody. Like all contracts, this one should be negotiated so that both parties walk away feeling as if they have been treated fairly. If you and your spouse are unable to come up with an agreement yourselves, a judge will impose one on you. The drawback of this is that you could end up with an agreement that neither person is happy with.
You can avoid this by using the services of a professional mediator, who will help you hash out all of the terms that need to be settled. If you go this route, there are some things you can do to make the process easier on yourself.
#1 Agree On the Mediator
It is extremely important that you and your spouse engage the services of a mediator you are both comfortable with. The role of a mediator is to be a neutral third party in the negotiations, and in order for this to work, there cannot be any hint of a bias toward either side. A good mediator will, of course, do their part to avoid bias, but if one of you doesn’t feel that you can openly discuss the pertinent topics in the mediator’s presence, the process could suffer. This can result in one of three scenarios:
- The finalization of your divorce is delayed because it takes longer to agree on the terms
- You reach an agreement that is unsatisfactory to one or both of you
- Everything has to be decided by a judge, which usually comes with greater time and expense
#2 Hire Your Own Attorney
It may surprise you to discover that although you are using a mediator, you should also get your own attorney. Many courts will override a divorce agreement that is not accompanied by certification that both parties had independent legal counsel. This is a way of ensuring that each person has their interests represented, and that the agreement is drafted in a manner that is fair to both.
Unlike the mediator, who both of you should be comfortable with, you and your spouse should each engage the services of a lawyer who will look after your respective interests. Try to find someone who has experience dealing with the kinds of issues you and your spouse are facing, such as child custody and complex property division needs.
#3 Have Your Paperwork in Order
Your negotiations will get off to a good start if you and your spouse both come to the table with all of the relevant documents: bank accounts, property deeds, the prenuptial agreement, and so on. The attorneys on both sides will help you determine which documentation is relevant and whether the documents you have are complete. Start sorting this out well before the mediation appointment because you may have to obtain some of the documentation from organizations like financial institutions and insurance companies.
#4 Be Prepared to Negotiate
The parties to any negotiation need to have a bit of wiggle room, and divorce settlements are no exception. Your spouse will come to the table with a list of things they want, and that could differ quite substantially from the list of things you want. The point of the negotiation is to find a middle ground that both of you can be happy with. Deciding from the get-go that you will not budge on any of your points could prove to be counterproductive: if you fail to reach an agreement, one will be imposed on you by a judge. If you are willing to negotiate, you may not get exactly what you wanted, but you and your spouse will both walk away with a settlement that is fair.
#5 Ask All of Your Questions Now
The mediated agreement that you come up with will be legally binding. In the event of a dispute at some point in the future, a judge will be able to review the agreement and determine whether the terms were followed. If someone is found to have breached the agreement, the other person could have a claim against them.
This is why it is extremely important for you to understand everything about the agreement before you sign off on it. Try to consider as many hypothetical situations as you can, and make sure the agreement covers all of them. This may mean asking a lot of questions – sometimes more than once – but that is infinitely better than signing an agreement and then discovering later on that something was overlooked because of an unasked question.
Reducing The Stress of Divorce
There is no getting around the fact that separation and divorce are among the most stressful life events that a person can experience. The stress does not only come from splitting up with someone you thought you would be with forever, but it also results from having to uproot your life and move to a new home, possibly enter the workforce for the first time in years, and suddenly not see your children every day.
It is a tough process, and we at Separate Simply are here to help. Our goal is to help divorcing couples with the mediation process so they can focus on getting through this stressful time without worrying about whether the court system will be fair to them. Contact us for information about how we can help you negotiate a settlement that you and your spouse can approve of.